Daily Moo's, Hoo's & Haa's

Monday

2012-02-13T12:10:00.002+08:00

Monday Jokes

2012-01-16T10:15:00.000+08:00

The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.

However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Monday Jokes

2012-01-09T09:38:00.001+08:00

One morning in the office, a man mentions to a coworker that her hair smells nice today.

The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into her supervisor’s office, and declares loudly that she’s quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit.

“Come on,” says the supervisor.
“What’s wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice?”

She says - “He’s a fucking midget!”

The Last Day of 2011.

2011-12-31T11:00:00.002+08:00

Alrite peeps, It's the last day of 2011. Excited?

yes..yes and yes. i still have to work for this last day of the year. Need to cari makan ma....

Ok..ok..guess lots of you will be going for the countdown tonight...Enjoy k...safety first...

ciao. Happy New year everyone.

I'm Back now.....

2011-03-31T17:53:00.002+08:00

Sorry peeps for being MIA for quite some time.i know..dont shoot me... ok..u all can just curse me..only me..dun curse my mom or dad cos they're not involved... ciao for now..will back with something in the sleeves soon...

Monday Jokes

2010-10-18T09:59:00.000+08:00

Dave returned home late and found a naked man
with a hard-on in his wife's bedroom closet.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing in there?"

"I'm riding a bus."

"That's a fucking stupid thing to say!"

"Well, that's a fucking stupid thing to ask!"

Monday Jokes

2010-09-27T10:26:00.001+08:00

A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him.

Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir?

Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms.

Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir?

Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need.

Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!"

Monday Jokes

2010-09-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman
approached her and said:

"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought
this hat yesterday!"

Si Putih shivering...

2010-09-18T12:26:00.002+08:00

Been feeling Si Putih was shaking and vibrating alot lately. So, send him in for a checkup and this is the caused for his "shiverings"

This eventually came off like that.

Monday Jokes

2010-09-13T10:37:00.000+08:00

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment
building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when
suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge,
plummeting to her death.. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into
the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted "Oh, thank
you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The man replied "Do you suck?" Stunned at this, the woman said "No, I
don't suck!"
And with that, the man let go of her in the air. "Shit!" the woman
thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of man's arms grabbed her
on the 9th floor.
"Thank God!" she screamed. " I would have died except that!" The man
asked "Do you fuck?" Absolutely aghast at the question, the woman answered "No, I
don't fuck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling
again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms
stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted "I suck! I
fuck!"
"Slut..." the man said....and dropped her.

Monday Jokes

2010-08-30T10:33:00.001+08:00

Malay Poem:

Sajak ini dicipta oleh kartunis Ujang dan telah dideklemasikan di UKM pada
tahun 1992.

Atuk Merdeka

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi kayu.

Jika kau menjadi kayu,
Jadilah kayu golf,
Disebut kayu tetapi besi,
Diulit Dato', tauke dan menteri,
Jangan kau menjadi kayu tunggul.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi pagar.

Jika kau menjadi pagar,
Jadilah pagar karan,
Dipicit suis power berjalan,
Dirempuh diusik, boleh pengsan,
Jangan kau jadi pagar makan padi.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila kau besar nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi mangkuk.

Jika kau menjadi mangkuk,
Jadilah mangkuk purba zaman batu,
Buruan ahli arkeologi setiap waktu,
Membawa bukti tamadun dan ilmu,
Jangan kau menjadi mangkuk hayun.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila kau dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi bintang.

Jika kau menjadi bintang,
Jadilah bintang di langit,
Tiada boleh ditukar wang ringgit,
Tidak boleh dijolok dikait,
Jangan kau menjadi bintang tiga.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin menjadi seluar dalam.

Jika kau menjadi seluar dalam,
Jadilah seluar dalam Superman,
Sarung di luar nampak gentleman,
Tiada manusia memberi komen,
Jangan kau menjadi seluar dalam model playboy.

Cucuku,
Kau ingin menjadi apa bila dewasa nanti?

Atukku,
Aku ingin MERDEKA.

Jika kau ingin MERDEKA ,
Lupakan tentang perarakan di Dataran Merdeka,
Simpanlah budget kereta berhias dan pentas lintas hormat,
untuk membeli kayu,
untuk membeli pagar,
untuk membeli mangkuk,
untuk membeli bintang,
untuk membeli seluar dalam,
untuk membeli MERDEKA.

MERDEKA, MERDEKA, MERDEKA !!!

Monday Jokes

2010-08-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

A woman was shopping in a furniture store for a new mattress.
As she bent over to examine the tenth mattress she had
considered, she suddenly let out a horrendous fart.

"Excuse me," she said, embarrassed, to the clerk who was
helping her.

"Heck, I'm used to it, lady," he said. "When you see the price
on that one, your gonna shit!"

Monday Jokes

2010-08-16T11:54:00.001+08:00

Dorothy and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.

Dorothy: "That nice Joe asked me out for a date . . . I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well . . . I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show . . . let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! . . so you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no . I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

Monday Jokes

2010-07-26T11:08:00.000+08:00

A brunette, a red head, and a blonde were having a very interesting
conversation and it got around to their daughters. The brunette said, "I
went in my daughter's room the other day and found a pack of cigarettes,
I didn't even know she smoked!" The red head said, "I went in my
daughter's room and found a half-empty bottle of vodka! I didn't even
know she drank!" Then the blonde burst out and said, "I went in my
daughter's room and found a pack of condoms, half-empty, I didn't even
know she had a penis!"

Monday Jokes

2010-07-19T01:57:00.001+08:00

DEAR MADAM:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT ORDER FROM OUR
SEX TOYS WEBSITE.
YOU'VE REQUESTED THE LARGE RED VIBRATOR AS
FEATURED ON OUR WALL DISPLAY.
PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER ITEM.
THAT'S OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

Monday Jokes

2010-07-05T11:02:00.001+08:00

A blonde calls the Delta Airlines and asks, "can you tell me how long
it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York city"?

The agent replies, Just a minute . . .

"Thank you" the blonde says, and hangs up.

Monday Jokes

2010-06-28T01:17:00.001+08:00

A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of
his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril, and a cucumber in the other
ear.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right"

Monday Jokes

2010-06-21T10:24:00.000+08:00

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

Monday Jokes

2010-05-24T10:34:00.001+08:00

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands
him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu.
Just
bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order
from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish
pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table
and
hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a
deep breath. "Ahh, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed
potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards
the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her
what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly
brings
him a menu again. "Sir, remember ? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I
didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again
retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another
deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the
macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in
disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him
and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going
to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Amy, rub this fork on your
panties before I take it to the blind man." Amy complies and hands her
husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the
owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered
you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the
fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says,

"Hey! I didn't know that Amy worked here!"

Monday Jokes

2010-05-17T10:11:00.000+08:00

On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl.

Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said, "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away".

Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time.

He went to Dr. Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said

"These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop chop. Amputation not necesally."

Joe was relieved.

Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own."

Monday Jokes

2010-05-10T11:20:00.001+08:00

One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head
hog at the trough?"

The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?"

The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as
'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head
hog at the trough'!"

To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the
building fund...."

To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig
just walked in!"

Monday Jokes

2010-05-03T11:55:00.001+08:00

Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said, "My
wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck."

His friend began to ask, "You mean..."

"Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy."

Monday Jokes

2010-04-19T22:41:00.001+08:00

Two men are approaching each other on the sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."

Monday Jokes

2010-04-12T11:35:00.001+08:00

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat STANDING upright underneath on the floor of the cave
Surprised by this unusual behavior, the group asked the standing bat: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the bat shouts back: "Yoga!"

Monday Jokes

2010-04-05T11:13:00.001+08:00

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: 'What's that?' Lady 2: 'A condom.'
Lady 1: 'Where'd you get it?'
Lady 2: 'You can get them at any drugstore.'
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms. The guy looks at her skin of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s), but politely asks what brand she prefers. Doesn't matter, she replies, "As long as it fits a Camel." The pharmacist fainted.

Whats on My Mind

2010-03-31T16:28:00.001+08:00

Monday Jokes

2010-03-29T00:06:00.001+08:00

An old guy went to his doctor and said, "I have this toilet problem doc."
"Well," replied the doc, "How's your urination?"
"Every morning at 7am - like a baby!" said the old man.
"Good," replied the doc, "How about your bowel movements?"
"8am every morning - like clockwork!" answered the old guy.
"So what's the problem then?" asked the doc.
"Well," replied the old man, "I don't get up till 9am!"

IP Man 2

2010-03-27T10:37:00.000+08:00

Just Cant Wait!!!

Daily Rant @ 25th March 2010

2010-03-26T10:28:00.003+08:00

I'm in a joyous mood yesterday as i had completed most of my work and could leave office as early as 7pm.

And......that mood didnt last long till i had this in front of me.

Malaysia memang BEST! Pay toll also have to jam.

Luckily this is my view....the Big arse of a BMW and accompanied by the sweet vocals from

Well, how bad can it be. Jam is normal in KL.

And suddenly this light starts to lit up.

Well, Si Putih have something up for me. I'll rant it later.

Rempits

2010-03-25T17:28:00.001+08:00

We humans are creative

New LOOK!!

2010-03-25T12:33:00.002+08:00

Alright...it's time for a refreshing my blog a bit.

Hope to have more time to update.

Get ta ya'll soon.

Monday Jokes

2010-03-22T10:07:00.000+08:00

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen
to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a
package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday,
ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are
these for?"

"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday,
TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed t! he boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks,
picking up a 12 pack.

With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for
married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....."

Monday Jokes

2010-03-08T10:48:00.001+08:00

A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some
ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers
featuring Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwarzenegger in the leading roles.

The producer really wanted the box office 'oomph' of these three, and was
prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play
him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme, I'll play him."

Things were going well; the producers were pleased.

"Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach." replied Arnold.

Monday Jokes

2010-03-01T10:01:00.000+08:00

Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and cried until his mother
came in to see what was the matter. "I have to make pee pee", wailed
Little Johnny.
"All right," said his mother, "I'll take you to the bathroom."
"No" insisted Little Johnny, "I want Grandma."

"Don't be silly, I can do the same thing as Grandma," said his mother
firmly."
"Nuh-uh. Her hands shake." replied Little Johnny.

2010 Chinese New Year

2010-02-14T00:11:00.003+08:00

Happy Happy CNY!!!!

Alrite ppl, i would like to wish everyone a haapy and prosper in this Tigerous Year!!!

ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!

oppss....Happy Valentines too.!!

Monday Jokes

2010-01-25T09:46:00.001+08:00

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."

Monday Jokes

2010-01-11T09:35:00.001+08:00

"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love." the husband told his counselor.

"Has she started to neglect you?" said the doctor.

"Not at all," the dejected man replied, "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, the house is always neat and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets me watch what I want on the TV and she never objects to kinky sex or say's she has a headache!"

"So what is the problem then?" asked the doctor.

"Well," said the man, "I may be being a little too sensitive, but at night, when she thinks I'm asleep, she puts her lips to my ear and whispers, "Die! Die, you son of a bitch!"

Monday Jokes

2010-01-04T09:35:00.001+08:00

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my Business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I Must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents Her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

Monday Jokes

2009-12-28T09:44:00.001+08:00

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance and see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.

"My dear child, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's o.k., my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

Monday Jokes

2009-12-20T22:42:00.001+08:00

Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's .

The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
John said , "I haven't got the fingers."
What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2009. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

John says, " How the hell was I supposed to pick them up!!!."

Monday Jokes

2009-12-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.
Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm listening to the music of the tree."
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No ,would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK..."So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this the other guy slaps a set of hand cuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him ass naked and leaves.

Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says...

"Ya know sweetheart, this just ain't your day."

The Mayonnaise Jar

2009-12-09T09:31:00.002+08:00

When things in your life seem , almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. ?The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - family, children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Monday Jokes

2009-12-06T23:46:00.001+08:00

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said

"Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said.
"I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said.
"Here, let me hold your monkey."

Monday Jokes

2009-11-30T09:51:00.001+08:00

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles.

He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.

After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"

The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"

Monday Jokes

2009-11-23T09:25:00.001+08:00

One doctor tells another. "I just have to talk to some one I am so guilt ridden."
Second doctor says, "Well you can tell me I have a lot of doctors confiding in me, maybe I can help."
"Well for years and years now I have been having sex with my patients every chance I got and I just have to get it off my chest."

"That is not too strange a lot of doctors I know have sex with their patients, However, I will admit not many of them are vets."

Monday Jokes

2009-11-16T09:31:00.001+08:00

Two elderly Wal-Mart greeters were sitting on a bench at the entry way when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really? Like a new-born baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants."

Monday Jokes

2009-11-09T09:43:00.001+08:00

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk:

"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: "Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many models."
The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa pppinkk one, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do".

"Ccccccannnn yyyyouuuu tttelll mmmmeeee hhhhowwww ttttoooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ffffuucccckkkkinggg ttthingggg offffff?"

Monday Jokes

2009-11-02T19:19:00.001+08:00

Nuns ran an orphanage for girls in a rural part of Georgia.

One day,the Mother Superior called in 3 teenage girls who were about to leave and seek their way in life.

"You have led a very sheltered life and you are going into an extremely sinful world." she said.
"I must warn you that men will take advantageof you. They'll do anything to get their way. They'll take you to restaurants, buy you drinks and dinner, then back to their apartments and motels where they'll undress you, do terrible things, give you twenty or thirty dollars and kick you out."

"Excuse me, Mother." one of the girls asked.
"You mean men will takeadvantage of us and give us cash?"

"Yes child, why do you ask?"

"Because the priests only give us candy!"

Monday Jokes

2009-10-26T10:04:00.001+08:00

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for hisfree sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If heguessed correctly, he would get his free sex.The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close.The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled infor a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor againgave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. Theredneck guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged my wife won twice last week."

Monday Jokes

2009-10-19T00:10:00.000+08:00

A young lad asked an old man how he became so rich.

The old man replied, "Well, son, it was 1932 and the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel, so I invested it in an apple. I spent an entire day polishing that apple and at the end of the day, I sold it for a dime. So the next day I bought two apples. I polished them all day and sold them at the end of the day for two dimes. I continued doing this for a month, and by the end of that month, I had accumulated a total, minus expenses of course, of $4.00."

"And then what?" the lad asked.

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars!"

Monday Jokes

2009-10-12T09:10:00.001+08:00

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff) , and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."

The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems.

"I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!"

The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Monday Jokes

2009-10-05T00:02:00.001+08:00

This fellow named Sam has been riding Harleys for 25 years and is finally sick of fixing 'em. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont - as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, Sam is finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there's a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.

"Name's Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...havin' a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."

"Great," Sam says, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.

As Enoch is leaving he stops. "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem...after 25 years of Harley riding, I can do that with the best of them."

Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Damn!" Sam thinks, "tough crowd...sounds like the Redwood Run."

"Well," he says, "I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties too."

"Now that is not a problem," says Sam, "remember, I've been alone for six months. I'll definitely be there! By the way...what should I wear to the party?"

Enoch stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want...it's just gonna be the two of us."

Monday Jokes

2009-09-28T00:17:00.001+08:00

A guy goes into a public washroom and has to use the only available urinal, between two elderly men.
He glances to his left and sees the guy pissing, but there are two streams.
"What the hell is that?" he asks.
"War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa. They were able to save my dick but they had to leave two holes"
Then the guy looks to his right and sees. . . three streams !!!
"What the hell is that?"
"War wound. Germany, bullet in the penis, left three holes"
The two veterans then look over at the guy in the middle and see 12 streams!!
"War wound??"
"Naah, my zipper's stuck"

Monday Jokes

2009-09-22T01:01:00.001+08:00

Hitch Hiker

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side of the road.He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing?

He asks her if she wants to have sex?

She says "I can't I'm on my period."

He says "That doesn't matter."

So they get in the back of the cab and he is eating her out.A police officer drives by and sees the truck rocking.So he gets out and knocks on the door of the truck.The truck driver opens the door and asks if he can help the officer.The officer asks him what he is doing?

He says liking his fingers "Eating Pizza!"

Melaka for Work on 09/09/09

2009-09-11T09:39:00.003+08:00

Headed straight for Melaka signature food, chicken rice ball for lunch.
1 thing good to be in Melaka during weekdays is you can enjoy the food without queuing and the tourist crowd.

It's at the most original Chicken rice stall. Corner lot, old building. Sorry as i forgot the name.
I just walk in, take a seat, order, wait for 1~2 minute and food is served. The chicken is super smooth and tasty especially with its special dipping sauce which is spicy and sourish. Very satisfying meal.

As for dinner, well...nothing else than satay celup.

Well, this is the outlet at Jln Ong Kim Wee. Their dipping sauce is very nice and the price is also reasonable la. Range from rm0.50 till rm1.503 of us eat almost 50 sticks...and the bill came up to around rm30. dun forget, each of us had drinks too.

Monday Jokes

2009-09-07T09:22:00.001+08:00

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure. Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him.
He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it."
He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

Arisu Korean BBQ @ Kota Damansara

2009-09-05T12:28:00.005+08:00

Few days ago, decide to try this Korean restaurant out. ARISU...it's located at Dataran Sunway, 2nd floor, opposite Starbucks. I think u guys would know where.

The side dishes....it actually taste very differently with the ones i used to go...Daorae.

Their Greentea.

They dont use the suction pipes...but just the normal fans.

aint this cute.

More side dishes.

This egg on hot rock was complimentary. Not bad.

Their tradiotional Kimchi soup. very very nice and authentic taste.

Their bbq was also good. Service was good. only thing their pricing was a little bit higher.

Worth a try.

Station 1 Cafe @ Metro Prima, Kepong.

2009-09-04T09:12:00.003+08:00

Was at Metro Prima, Kepong yesterday afternoon. I dont even wanna talk about what i've been through the whole morning. So, i decided to give myself a better meal. Well, my colleague recommend this.

Chicken Chop - Well, Station 1 has definitely changed their menu to more western dishes. They recommend me to try their Chicken Chop. Well..its not bad for the price Rm12.90

This 3 layer tea...well..i've tried better ones. This is just a dissapointment.

Monday Jokes

2009-08-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET.
HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP.
THE LITTLE BOY IS GRIPPING ON TO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITTING HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND.
HIS MOTHER SAYS: "BILLY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR A WHILE.
BILLY SAYS: "I'M FINE, MOMMY.. I JUST HAVEN'T GONE 'DOODY' YET."
MOTHER SAYS: "OK, YOU CAN STAY HERE A FEW MORE MINUTES. BUT, BILLY, WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD?"

BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."

Monday Jokes

2009-08-24T16:10:00.002+08:00

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ’You died in your sleep, Ralph..’
Ralph was stunned. ’I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’
St. Peter said, ’I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.’
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home..

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. ’
So, you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?’’
Not bad, replied Ralph the hen, but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I’m gonna explode!’’
You’re ovulating,’ explained the rooster. ’Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before? ’’
Never,’ said Ralph.’Well, just relax and let it happen,’ says the rooster. ’
It’s no big deal.’
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....Ralph! Wake up you dirty bastard. You shit the bed!’

Monday Jokes

2009-08-17T09:11:00.002+08:00

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommythat Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on thedresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and hejumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool, what swimming pool? Is this 937-2819?"

Monday Jokes

2009-08-10T09:15:00.001+08:00

A Ballerina goes to the doctor, "Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind. Every time I pirouette I fart," she cries.

"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible." The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... farts loudly.

"That's amazing, do it again."

Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart.
"Hmmm," says the Doctor.
"I think I may be able to help."
He bends downand picks up a long pole with a curious hook on the end.
The ballerina jumps back in alarm, "What are you going to do with that?"
"Open the window, it stinks in here for kripes sake."

Monday Jokes

2009-08-03T09:42:00.000+08:00

A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.

A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, "We're ruined, all the money's gone and there's no flour for bread."

Then his daughter says, "No, papa, I hid the money in my U-know-what."

The farmer said, "You're a good girl, but if your mama was here she could have saved the sack of flour as well!"

Otak-Otak @ 1 Utama New Wing

2009-07-30T16:07:00.004+08:00

Went to try out Otak-Otak at 1Utama. Heard reviews that its good. It's at New Wing, Ground floor and it's just opposite Honeymoon Dessert House.

The interior. Ok-okla. Mixture of the classic furnitures and some really old stuffs.

Lemon Barley and Ribena Longan.

Baked Fish otak-otak. This is nice and spicy.

This is the Grilled Fish otak-otak. this taste so-so only. The steamed version is better.

Mee Rojak Mamak. Well...it's nothing to shout about. It just lack of something...

Hainan Chicken rice. Well, taste wise was just s0-s0. However, the way they present it is something special. As you can see, it's in the stainless steel food containers. I gave me a feel that its home-made food.

Can go try la. They offer alot more other types of otak otak. just that i like fish more.

Transformer : Revenge of the Fallen @ Movie Review

2009-07-28T16:26:00.003+08:00

It’s so loud and funny, that it was pure entertainment for the full 2.5 hours.

Yeah..yeah...i know i'm abit outdated to watch this now.

Monday Jokes

2009-07-27T09:25:00.002+08:00

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya’ll are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Another flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant’s arrival announcement: "We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And,the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways."

Monday Jokes

2009-07-20T09:10:00.001+08:00

There was this man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels.

He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all.He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly,useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up hisheels again.

He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said "I'm NOT happy; my ass itches."

Monday Jokes

2009-07-13T15:23:00.001+08:00

A guy found a magic lamp and naturally, rubbed it. The genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."The guy thought and thought and finally gave his answer.

"I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."

"As you wish," the genie replied.

So, the genie turned him into a toilet seat.

Monday Jokes

2009-07-06T09:19:00.002+08:00

The Worst Day Of My Entire Life

For more than an hour, a man sat at a bar staring into his glass.

Suddenly a burly truck driver sat down next to him, grabbed the guy's drink and gulped it down.The poor fellow burst into tears.

"Oh, come on, pal," the truckie said."I was just joking. Here I'll buy you another one."

"No, that's not it," the man blubbered. "This has been the worst day of my entire life.

This morning I was late for work and ended up getting fired.when I left the office I found my car had been stolen, so I had to walk ten kilometers home.Then I walked in and found my wife with another man, so I came here. And just when I'm about to end it all, You show up and drink my fucking Poison."

Monday Jokes

2009-06-29T10:19:00.001+08:00

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told,
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

"Great," says the frog,
"Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," said the psychic,
"Next year—in biology class."

Strange Picture

2009-06-25T11:16:00.001+08:00

Anything wrong with the picture above?

It's in a petrolmart at the Dengkil resthouse.

Honeymoon @ 1 Utama

2009-06-23T15:12:00.003+08:00

This is a new dessert shop at Lg new wing (where Giant used to e) Everyone will feel very curious with the new things and you will want to try it especially you see many people sitting inside the shop.

Their interior is like a library, with dim lights and it gives a cosy feeling.

Tau Fu Fa...RM4

Its smooth as silk and the syrup has a hint of ginger. Good stuff.

Hak Lo Mai with Mango.

According to their menu, all mangoes are from Philippines. It's very fragrant and sweet. To me, this dessert taste abit akward to me as it doesnt really compliment each other. the taste doesnt match.

Durain pancake - RM9

This is a must try!! Very very nice.

Overall, everything is kinda ideal for their dessert but they tend to have too many choices with alot of different fruit mixtures for the same dessert.

Monday Jokes

2009-06-22T09:15:00.000+08:00

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest.
The first has no arms.
The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool
The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first.

He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts... "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my f#cking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

Mr. Baoz @ 1 Utama (New Wing)

2009-06-19T09:16:00.004+08:00

Lots of new shops have opened after Giant moved out from 1U at new wing lg.

One of it is Mr. Baoz!

Food that will change one's lifestyle? a bao will change one's lifestyle? LoL

Ok. This is the bao/pau that we all knew.

char siu pau, kaya pau, red bean pau, etc.

But now... Mr. Baoz version is

Ok. at first glance, it looks just like those donuts craze every malaysians been goin thru. But, if u look harder, it's actually a bao (or pao) that is with lots of different toppings.

they also do come in a lot of different fillings. a lot of choices. no harm trying. lol

however, it's still a pau. so. it only taste best when eaten hot.

Monday Jokes

2009-06-15T15:50:00.000+08:00

Prior to joining a new company, this guy A was working at boat quay area. In those tall building offices like UOB and such. His office was quite High up the level at least 30 and above. Normally he will have to stay Back for OT and in the evening, all the lifts will be stopped due to security reasons. Whenever he wanted to leave, he will need to call the old security uncle to activate the lift from ground floor to his level. Then the uncle will send the lift up.. After sometime, he left the company and joined another place where his office also very high up in the building. Hence if do OT, also need to call uncle to send lift up. Then it came the day that he's working OT for the first time at the new place. He stayed back till 12 plus am and when he's about to leave, he called! the security uncle to send the lift up. After packing up he went to the lobby to wait for the lift.
He waited and waited. 10 mins passed, Lift not up. He waited for another 10 mins and call the security uncle. S denotes security here.
A: Hello Uncle ah, have you send the lift up?
S: Yeah sent liao.
A: No leh I been waiting for 20 mins liao leh
S: No meh? okie okie I send again.
Another 5 minutes went by. No lift came up. The guy got worried. He's the last person to leave and there's no one around. He called the uncle on his handphone again.

A: Er... Uncle ah, you sure you sent the lift up?
S: Yeah I sent it up twice liao leh.
A: But I saw the lifts all on the first floor leh!
S: Aiyoh. Nevermind. I take the lift up and look for you.
Again, A waited. 5 minutes passed but none of the lift are moving. Then suddenly, his hp ring. The uncle voice was on the other side of the line sounding very weird.
S: Where are you? ! I am here. But I cannot find you.
All this while A was staring at the display of the lifts. All at level 1..... and the uncle is here.... shit something is not right. A straight away chiong to the stairs and dashed down the building... When he reached ground level, he chiong to the security counter and he found out that....
......

.......

......

He had actually called the old security uncle in the building of his ex-company and not the security uncle of his new office -_- He work till siao liao and was damn blur. Feeling very pai seh, he also never call back to explain to the security uncle from the building of his ex-company.
Blur blur and poor uncle. He must be the one who actually freaked out going all the way up and saw no one there...hahaha

Moral of the story -please dun work till become like sotong...hehe. :P

Monday Jokes

2009-06-08T18:22:00.001+08:00

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.

The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband.The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!" He then asked, "How much for a handjob?"

She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear.

Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was very well hung.She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked "Now what?"

The wife replied "Can I borrow $60?"

Terminator Salvation @ Movie Review

2009-06-02T09:29:00.002+08:00

The whole show was quite flat from the beginning to the end. It felt like a straight forward journey to the end without much twist or elements for surprises. No, Marcus Wright wasn’t a twist. It was more like a necessity. Just a necessity to even have the story. Perhaps I expected too much for the character Marcus Wright to be that of a wild card.

And the whole show kind of stuck to the formula of having to protect someone important. While I couldn’t say it shouldn’t be that way, after all this was what the series built on, but it just felt mundane. Towards the end, it was just a parade of cliches and hero gungho-ness.

However, having seatde in a THX cinema did make the whole movie process a lil extra kick.

Monday Jokes

2009-06-01T09:08:00.001+08:00

A 700 pound man walks into a doctor's office. This doctor is known for his unusual but effective methods. The man says, "Doctor you must help me. I have tried everything. I just cannot lose this weight."

The doctor hesitates for a minute. He finally looks up and says, "The only thing I can do is to sew your mouth shut and teach you to eat from your butt." The man agrees. He returns one week later to have the procedure.Six months pass and the patient returns to have the stitches out.

The doctor says, "Now return to me in 1 month for a post-op checkup." The patient agrees and leaves an astonishing 180 pounds.

One month later, the patient returns for his post-op checkup. As the patient sits down in the chair, the doctor notices the man is twitching his butt up and down. He lets it go and continues his examination.

After one hour of watching this man twitch his butt, the doctor can't take it anymore.He finally says, "Mr. Robertson. I have concluded that you have a nervous tick in your butt as a result of your operation."

The man thinks, laughs out loud, and says "Doc that ain't no twitch. I'm chewing gum. Wanna see me blow a bubble?"

Star Trek @ Movie Review

2009-05-29T12:54:00.002+08:00

Must say this was one of the many shows that I was looking forward to. It didn’t exactly disappoint, but it didn’t deliver either. To be frank, I was no fan of Star Trek to begin with. In fact, my command of the language was so bad that I’ve no idea what was on TV back then when I was a kid. Never could understand why would someone watch something that was almost action-less, all dialogs.

The reboot came as a good time I guess. I got reintroduced to these beloved characters and the world. It was in fact very fun to watch. All the sci-fi, almost practical, fed into my dull brain there and then. The stark contrast of the species, Human and Vulcan, in truth, brought me to understand the love for the series. Human after all, are interesting. It was entertaining.

The acting was great as well. James T. Kirk the unblievable human and Spock the all too logical Vulcan, brought many smiles and moments to the show.

Monday Jokes

2009-05-25T09:20:00.000+08:00

On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.
"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You better pray for endurance."

Monday Jokes

2009-05-18T09:24:00.001+08:00

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run,he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.

He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared that he was kissing her neck.Suddenly he got up and left the room.

As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."

After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right,he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck... He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."

Monday Jokes

2009-05-11T09:47:00.002+08:00

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will belanding the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great."

I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her:"Ma'am,perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane."

She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray.She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one."

Our flight attendant replied: "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I out rank you, bitch, so put the tray up!"

Monday Jokes

2009-05-04T13:43:00.001+08:00

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

DAORAE Korean BBQ @ Kepong

2009-04-30T12:31:00.004+08:00

Recognize this thingy?

How about this?

The table setting

Korean tea.

3 different type of sauce.

Complimentary seaweed soup.

Started with Bibimbap - This is fantastic!!!Shared

BBQed Specail Pork. Must eat with the vege below. NICE!!!

BBQed Spicy Cuttlefish. JENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastly is the BBQed Chicken with Special Sauce.

Cut into bite pieces.

REAdy!!

Look at the crowd. This shows that their food is good!

Of course, korean food has lots of side dishes. which is also very nice.

Monday Jokes

2009-04-27T00:50:00.001+08:00

Ladies Night Club

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a$10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the$10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls outa $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks, again.

My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me!

Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

Then the woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the 80 bucks, and went home.

Monday Jokes

2009-04-19T21:58:00.001+08:00

"To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight."

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband,I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time, I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 alot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back before lunch time tomorrow."

F1 new rules.

2009-04-16T21:58:00.000+08:00

It's a cool video. So,ething to update ppl like me that is slow on the F1 news

Throw Brick at police gets KFC

2009-04-15T11:59:00.002+08:00

Monday Jokes

2009-04-13T13:49:00.001+08:00

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Marge ?" she asked.

Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied.

"I'm just damn sick of mornings."

Monday Jokes

2009-04-06T09:04:00.002+08:00

Several men are in the locker room of a tennis club. A cellphone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker functionand begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"WOMAN: "
Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ....go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

F1, Here I Come!!!!

2009-04-04T18:26:00.002+08:00

Ok...Tomorrow will also be another First Time for me too.

Yes....i'll be going to Sepang to watch the F1.!

Yeap..Got 4 tickets...(3 lucky dudes will go with me to catch the action)

The tickets actually are for 2 days access..but then..today is their qualifying...tomorrow is Race day.

Well..i hope watching motorsport is safe...

CIMB Mega Auction @ Equatorial Hotel

2009-04-04T18:16:00.002+08:00

Everyone always have their first times...and this morning...i had mine.

I went for property auction. yes..LELONG!!

My number..22

Well..the experience is good...and...too bad..i didn't manage to big for what i wanted.

Youtube Specials

2009-03-30T19:27:00.001+08:00

Monday Jokes

2009-03-30T09:53:00.001+08:00

Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the other, "Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I can't leave Fido alone on the street.

"The other man replies, " No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and you'll be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh, okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves.

The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!"

The bartender says, "Oh really? I've never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!"

The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, "Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

My New Toy

2009-03-26T17:41:00.004+08:00

Was very happy this morning when i woke up and head to work until i see this in fornt of me in the mid of the journey. Potong Stim betul!!!!

Anyway, receive this package 2 days ago.

Well..it's not easy getting this package.

1st, i have to go to SIRIM at Shah Alam to obtain a permit for the product. Paid Rm200 for it.

Then i left SIRIM around 12.30pm for LCCT.

Took a slow and enjoyin ride as i'm not in a hurry as i still need to wait SIRIM to process my application to get the Permit no. and OGV no.

Well then, reached Pos Malaysia (beside LCCT) around 2.00pm. (all the way average speed 80kmh from Shah Alam to LCCT)

Go straight to the Malaysia Kastam and declare the parcel. Called up SIRIM and get the Permit no. and OGV no.

Then head to the get the parcel at Counter 1, go to Counter 2 to examine the parcel, go to Counter 4 for approval, go to Counter 6 to make payment for tax, the go again to Counter 2 for checking again and lastly head back to Counter 1 to get back the pass.

Tax and all the forms amounting up to RM140.

Well, in 1 day, spent almost RM400 just to get the parcel from Australia. (include petrol n toll)

Anyway, after all that...head on home.

This is it.

Yeah.. got myself an iPhone. Nope, not the 3g version as i cant afford it. Lol.

So, yes. now i'm officially iPhone addict. lol. Am very busy reseraching on the phone n stuffs.

Monday Jokes

2009-03-23T09:18:00.000+08:00

Little Johnny is standing at a urinal when he notices that a midget is watching him. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently,Little Johnny doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

"Wow!" comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have everseen!"

Surprised and flattered Little Johnny thanks the midget and starts to move away."Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again Little Johnny is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it,he obliges the request.The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says...

"Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"

Monday Jokes

2009-03-16T09:27:00.001+08:00

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door

Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."

Iphone 3g @ Malaysia

2009-03-13T12:47:00.003+08:00

Finally, Maxis brings it in.

Happy??

Go check it out at www.maxis.com.my/iphone

After seeing the plans and rates, u might not be that happy anymore. lol

Neutrogena Sale?

2009-03-10T23:08:00.002+08:00

Why so many facial wash?

because it's just 80cents!!!!!!!!!

The facial wash used to be rm12.90.

Dun believe?

Monday Jokes

2009-03-09T09:43:00.001+08:00

There was a man who had a problem getting an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor takes all kinds of tests and finally decides that hecan cure the man. The doctor tells the man to go home and wait until his wife is asleep, and then to reach down between her legs and get a little love juice on his finger and rub it under his nose, and that this would stimulate his brain and then he would get an erection.

The man takes the doctor's advice and that night after his wife hasgone to sleep he reaches down between her legs and gets some of her juice and he rubs it on his upper lip right under his nose. After a minute or two he starts to feel a tingling between his legs, so he grabs some more juice and rubs it under his nose. The next thing he knows he has a full erection.He is real excited he wakes up his wife to share in the good news. He wakes her up and says look what I have.

She rolls over and looked at him and says "You wake me up at two in the morning to show me that you have a Bloody Nose???